People often confuse sincere love with calculation because true love is revealed under trials, self-sacrifice, and deep personal involvement, while calculation is frequently disguised by outward signs of affection that do not include a genuine readiness to endure pain and suffering for another.

True Love's Crucible: Beyond Appearances

People often confuse sincere love with calculation because true love is revealed under trials, self-sacrifice, and deep personal involvement, while calculation is frequently disguised by outward signs of affection that do not include a genuine readiness to endure pain and suffering for another. At the root of this confusion lies the fact that human impulses of love are sometimes influenced by selfish motives and assessments of personal gain, which then become intertwined with genuine feelings.

For example, one source emphasizes that true love is tested during times of suffering and sacrifice—when a person neither flees from the cross nor fears enduring pain. As noted:
"Saint Peter also considered himself a true lover of the Lord and said, 'With You, I am ready to go to prison and to death.' But when the time of the cross came, the time of suffering and martyrdom, he immediately faltered, 'renouncing with an oath that he did not know this Man.'

When he was asked by the fire, 'Are you not one of His disciples as well?

'—he replied, 'No, no, no, what are you talking about? I do not know Him.' He was so frightened that he feared he would be led, beaten, and tortured." (source: link txt)
This example illustrates that true love manifests itself only under conditions of testing, while people, opting for calculation and an easier path, may mistakenly interpret such behavior as love.

Furthermore, another aspect of the problem is that human impulses of love are often tinted by personal interests. For instance, it is stated that:
"Mr. M. sinned against trust, against gratitude, and against ordinary human kindness. Thus, our impulses of love are in a peculiar position. They justify everything that under other circumstances would be labeled as ruthless, dishonest, and unjust. I do not believe this is true, but there is a reason, and here it is." (source: link txt)
This passage underscores that in everyday life, the instincts of love can be amplified by personal objectives and expectations, ultimately blurring the boundaries between genuine love and calculation.

Also notable is the example of a marriage arranged for calculated benefit, which demonstrates that utility and external advantages are sometimes mistaken for love, even though a closer examination reveals that the emotional and spiritual components are relegated to a secondary status. (source: link txt)

Thus, the inability to distinguish genuine love from calculation arises from the fact that true love demands complete dedication and the willingness to share even the most difficult moments of life, whereas calculation is more about measuring personal gain or convenience. The intermingling of these manifestations and the inherent human tendencies toward seeking beneficial relationships create a complex situation in which the authenticity of feelings is easily called into question.