Navigating the Complexities of Over-Care in Relationships

Excessive care in relationships can have multifaceted effects, causing both positive and negative outcomes.

On one hand, a partner who shows excessive care can create a feeling of love, security, and support. However, if such care becomes the norm, it imposes certain limitations on the relationship. For example, as noted in one source, the excessive idealization of one another in the early stages of meeting can escalate to a situation where any disapproval is perceived as a sign of unlove or even betrayal. This leads partners to start expecting unconditional approval and attention, and any slight deviation from usual behavior is seen as a threat to mutual attachment (quote: "A number of difficulties in relationships can be the result of excessive idealization by partners during the period of courtship. Certainly, for most people it is incredibly pleasant to be the object of love and admiration, but such relationships can lead to what was once beautiful and desirable becoming the norm of interpersonal interaction, and any disapproval or disagreement begins to be seen as an expression of unlove or betrayal." source: link txt).

On the other hand, when care turns into excessive pressure or overprotectiveness, a number of negative effects can ensue. Excessive overprotection often fosters in a person a dependency on constant attention and care, depriving them of independence and the opportunity to develop as an individual.

Such a person may later experience difficulties entering new relationships, as they do not receive the amount of care they were accustomed to in their family (quote: "Can a person be 'overfed' with love?

That is, spoiled? We often encounter people who cannot be said to have been unloved, but the love they received was so excessive that they ended up traumatized. When such a person steps out into the world, they do not find the attention they were used to within the family. And then they too begin to rebel against a different kind of treatment towards them." source: link txt).

Moreover, excessive care can lead partners to rely on each other to such an extent that any sign of independence or a desire to demonstrate self-reliance is perceived as a deficiency of love. In particular, this can hinder personal development and the formation of self-esteem, which over time leads to conflicts and misunderstandings within the relationship (quote: "When a boy is smothered with excessive care, he can become overly delicate and will experience a need not for freedom of activity, but for care." source: link txt).

Thus, a benefit of excessive care may be the formation of a feeling of security and love in the short term. However, the drawbacks of this behavior include the loss of personal autonomy, the emergence of dependent relationships, and the possibility that any divergence in opinions or behavior will be perceived as a threat, which in the long term can result in emotional trauma and relationship breakdown.

Supporting citation(s):
"A number of difficulties in relationships can be the result of excessive idealization by partners during the period of courtship. Certainly, for most people it is incredibly pleasant to be the object of love and admiration, but such relationships can lead to what was once beautiful and desirable becoming the norm of interpersonal interaction, and any disapproval or disagreement begins to be seen as an expression of unlove or betrayal." (source: link txt)

"Can a person be 'overfed' with love? That is, spoiled? We often encounter people who cannot be said to have been unloved, but the love they received was so excessive that they ended up traumatized. When such a person steps out into the world, they do not find the attention they were used to within the family. And then they too begin to rebel against a different kind of treatment towards them." (source: link txt)

"When a boy is smothered with excessive care, he can become overly delicate and will experience a need not for freedom of activity, but for care." (source: link txt)