In a situation where one partner copies the goals and dreams of the other in order to achieve closeness, it may indicate a deep need for acceptance, a desire to confirm one’s significance through someone else’s life path, but at the same time it may signify a loss of individuality and independence.

The Imitation Trap in Relationships

In a situation where one partner copies the goals and dreams of the other in order to achieve closeness, it may indicate a deep need for acceptance, a desire to confirm one’s significance through someone else’s life path, but at the same time it may signify a loss of individuality and independence. This approach is often based on mimicry, where personal desire is formed as a reflection of someone else’s rather than as an original, authentic initiative. This can lead to conflict, because when two desires collide within one person, they create an obstacle to the complete self-determination of each partner.

As noted in one text, “desire is inherently mimetic; it is modeled on the exemplary desire; it chooses the same object as that exemplar. The mimicry of a child's desire is recognized by everyone. Adult desire is no different – except that the adult [...] fears to discover a lack of being” (source: link txt). This suggests that copying someone else's goals may be an attempt to fill an internal void, but ultimately leads to the loss of an authentic self.

Additionally, such relationships can negatively affect personal space, which is defined precisely by the presence of the “other” – the awareness of difference and the absence of complete identity. As stated in another source, “Consciousness of space is the consciousness of the other. [...] Sartre’s intent was by no means to reveal a personal dimension of space [...] Yet anyone can be convinced that for Sartre, the realization of the immediacy of personal relationships is only possible when one is aware of the space of absence” (source: link txt). Here, it is emphasized that personal space is formed through the awareness of differences and distances between people. If one partner constantly strives to become a “copy” of the other, there is a risk that his or her individual space will vanish, and partners will begin to perceive each other not as independent individuals but as projections, which can ultimately lead to emotional alienation and conflicts.

Thus, copying another person’s goals and dreams can be seen as a way to achieve closeness, but at the same time it risks destroying the uniqueness and autonomy of the individual, negatively affecting both the quality of the relationship and the personal space of each partner.

Supporting citation(s):
“Describing a person as a being who fully knows what they desire, or, if it seems that they do not know it themselves, always having an ‘unconscious’ that knows it for them, modern theorists may have overlooked the area where human insecurity is most apparent. [...] When two desires come up against each other on one object, they become an obstacle to each other. Every mimesis oriented toward desire automatically leads to conflict.” (source: link txt)

“Consciousness of space is the consciousness of the other. [...] Sartre’s intent was by no means to reveal a personal dimension of space [...] Yet anyone can be convinced that for Sartre, the realization of the immediacy of personal relationships is only possible when one is aware of the space of absence.” (source: link txt)