Accumulated Grievances: How Emotional Wounds Change Behavior
The change in a close friend's behavior may be related to the accumulation of emotional wounds and minor grievances that affect her inner state and attitude towards others. As seen in one source, even isolated incidents—such as sharp remarks, unfulfilled promises, or unjust punishment—can accumulate and trigger a persistent feeling of pain, which later manifests as protests, irritability, and even rude behavior. This is reflected in the following quote:"Numerous and isolated reasons for being hurt: a sharp remark, an unfulfilled promise, an unjust punishment. And again, deep inside, the child suffers, while on the surface there are the same protests, disobedience, and school underachievement. The meaning of 'bad' behavior in this case can be expressed as: 'You've done me wrong—let it be the same for you too!..'" (source: link txt)Although the discussion here focuses on children's behavior, the principle of accumulating minor grievances and the associated negative emotions applies equally to adults. Often, a person begins to view those around them as a threat or a constant source of pressure—feeling that they will be hurt and reminded of their shortcomings. In the example from the dialogue fragment, the friend herself notes a significant decline in her mood and changes in her behavior: she feels that others might let her down and starts to be rude, even though she does not actually intend to hurt anyone. This inner conflict, manifesting as the constant feeling of being instructed and expected to behave in an unacceptable way, may be one of the reasons why she has started to act differently.Thus, possible causes for the change in her behavior could include the accumulation of grievances and minor wounds, a sense of constant pressure and the anticipation of being hurt by others, as well as an internal conflict due to the inability to cope with these emotions. These factors lead the person to begin defending themselves, either by converting inner pain into external aggression or, conversely, into internal withdrawal.Supporting citation(s):"Numerous and isolated reasons for being hurt: a sharp remark, an unfulfilled promise, an unjust punishment. And again, deep inside, the child suffers, while on the surface there are the same protests, disobedience, and school underachievement. The meaning of 'bad' behavior in this case can be expressed as: 'You've done me wrong—let it be the same for you too!..'" (source: link txt)"I feel that her mood is deteriorating. - Lena, I see that you don't really like talking about your friends. ... - I don't want to hurt anyone. On the contrary, I always feel like someone wants to hurt me. It always seems like I'm being taught something." (source: link txt)