Religious norms governing the intimate relations of spouses during Great Lent are based on several principles and precepts that take into account both strict adherence to Church traditions and the delicate nature of marital intimacy.

Sacred Restraint: Regulating Marital Intimacy During Great Lent

Religious norms governing the intimate relations of spouses during Great Lent are based on several principles and precepts that take into account both strict adherence to Church traditions and the delicate nature of marital intimacy.

Firstly, there is the requirement to follow the customs and decrees established by the Church regarding the maintenance of purity on festive, Sunday, and fasting days. In particular, spouses are advised to begin observing these precepts on the evening before a fasting or festive day. This rule is based on the understanding that the Church day begins in the evening, and failure to follow these regulations can lead to family unrest and even emotional turmoil. As noted:
"Spouses must strictly observe the customs and decrees of the Church regarding the maintenance of purity on festive, Sunday, and fasting days (Wednesdays and Fridays), bearing in mind the words of St. Seraphim and Elder Ambrose that neglecting these Church directives will lead to the illness of the wife and children. It should also be noted that the Church day begins in the evening, at six o'clock, so one must remain pure on the eve of a festive or fasting day, regarding it as the conclusion of the evening before the next day. There have been instances in Christian families where peace was disrupted and one spouse was driven to despair due to the other’s refusal to engage in marital relations, triggered by unwarranted jealousy towards abstinence. This is also true during periods of prolonged fasting.

But what should be done if one of the spouses refuses to acknowledge the fasting or festive day?

Here we encounter one of the dangers inherent in a marriage between individuals with differing views and worldviews. In such cases, emotional dramas and deep sorrow become inevitable." (source: link txt)

Secondly, Orthodox teaching considers the intimate nature of marital relations and therefore does not impose overly strict or all-encompassing canons regarding abstinence. On one hand, the idea of mutual respect and careful handling of each other’s bodies is crucial, where each spouse is regarded as an equal owner of their own body. The Church, citing the example from Holy Scripture (1 Corinthians 7:4-5), urges spouses not to deprive one another, emphasizing that any temporary abstinence should be mutually agreed upon and considerate of each other's circumstances. This explains why the holy fathers did not leave us with rigid canons concerning marital abstinence during fasts, fearing that "many spouses might falter."
"Why have the holy fathers not left us with strict and clear canons regarding the abstinence of spouses from physical intimacy during one-day or multi-day fasts? The primary reason is that bodily fasting between husband and wife is a highly intimate and delicate sphere. If harsh canons and prohibitions were imposed, many spouses might stumble. Not everyone would be able to bear the burden of the fast. Consequently, the Church, showing leniency toward the weakness of one of the spouses, calls for understanding towards one’s partner: 'The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife. Do not deprive one another, except by mutual consent for a time, for the purpose of prayer and fasting… (1 Corinthians 7:4-5).' Yet, marital fasting is a generally accepted Church practice, a rule as obligatory as any other Church regulation or tradition." (source: link txt)

It is also noted that the regulation of intimate relations concerns not only personal abstinence but also issues of Church order, even during wedding ceremonies. The marriage rules stipulate that the ceremony be held on days when intimate relations are permitted; holding a wedding during Great Lent could result in severe condemnation by Church authorities. This regulation underlines that the observance of established schedules and norms is both mandatory and reciprocal:
"They explain this through the wedding guidelines (which, by the way, are not canons either), as these precepts serve only one purpose: to wed spouses on days when marital intimacy is allowed. For even during the days of Bright Week and the festive period, feasts free from fasting and celebratory merriment are entirely acceptable. Incidentally, the wedding rules are very strictly observed. If a priest were to wed couples, for instance during Great Lent, this would immediately lead to severe punishment by the ruling archbishop. Such a priest would first receive a stern warning, and if he continued to conduct weddings during the fast, he would ultimately be proscribed. The observance of fasting in marital relations must be a mutual matter. There can be no coercion of one spouse's will over the other, as explained by the Apostle Paul." (source: link txt)

Thus, the normative regulation of intimate relations during Great Lent is based on the necessity of upholding traditional Church orders and customs, as well as on a sensible and mutual approach to abstinence. This blend of strict adherence to Church decrees regarding fasting, festive, and Sunday observances, combined with the sensitive nature of marital intimacy, helps preserve harmony in marriage and prevent emotional conflicts.