Inner Turmoil: The Paradox of Repulsive Impulses
A person driven by conflicting and turbulent emotions often finds themselves on the edge of what is allowable, where intense feelings give way to impulses that seemingly provoke disgust. In this context, the inner world becomes an arena for the struggle between deep sensations of self-assertion, hatred, and abrupt shifts in passion that generate unplanned and frequently unacceptable actions.
From early childhood, a person develops an instinctive awareness of the forbidden, when primordial innocence and internal taboos protect the soul from the danger of crossing the permitted line. The sense of panic and instinctual repulsion that arise when the inner world is forced to confront these prohibitions signal potential risks while simultaneously awakening a desire to violate established boundaries. This paradox becomes especially evident during moments of strong emotional arousal—when positive feelings rapidly transform into rage or a fierce need for self-affirmation, leading to actions that might be rejected by society.
Along this path, other emotional extremes often emerge. Flaring jealousy or excessive self-love can evolve into destructive states, where even the slightest displeasure serves as a catalyst for cruel actions. In the end, deep layers of hatred may turn into a sadistic obsession, in which pain and suffering become a unique means of expressing inner conflict and a distorted need to assert oneself.
This kind of contradictory behavior reminds us of the complexity of the human psyche and the necessity of profound self-knowledge. Understanding these inner processes opens up the possibility to view our emotions not only as a source of destruction but also as a stimulus for personal growth and development, fostering personal transformation and a search for balance between the darkness and the light within our emotional world.
In what situations might a person experience the urge to engage in actions that evoke disgust, and what are the reasons behind such desire?
A person may feel the urge to perform actions that provoke disgust in situations when their inner emotional world is overwhelmed by conflicting and excessively intense passions. Such behavior often arises from encountering deep-seated feelings of hatred and a craving for self-assertion, or even as a result of a weakening of the emotions that previously restrained such impulses.
For example, one source indicates that in the early period of life, when a person has not yet lost touch with their initial innocence, there is a sharp internal warning from taboos—panic and instinctive revulsion signal the danger of crossing forbidden boundaries. This cited excerpt explains how the awareness of the forbidden awakens in the soul a feeling of fear and disgust, yet simultaneously creates a certain urge to violate these very taboos, eventually leading to actions that evoke disgust:
"Panic horror and instinctive revulsion, frenzied and unstoppable, shake the soul and body near the taboo, warning of the danger." (source: link txt)
Another excerpt emphasizes that such tendencies may arise from intense emotional states, when passions like jealousy or narcissism swiftly shift from one extreme to another. It describes how even initially positive feelings can quickly turn into rage and the desire to destroy another person—essentially a manifestation of self-destructive self-love, where the slightest displeasure becomes the trigger for cruel actions:
"From love to hatred is but one step. Not long ago, there was love—roses were given, everything sparkled and shone... and within a few months, one was ready to kill." (source: link txt)
There are also descriptions where the basis of such actions lies in deep-seated hatred that has grown into a sadistic obsession with inflicting pain. Here, hatred plays a dual role, encapsulating both a desire for destruction and a peculiar delight in another’s suffering, which is directly expressed through cruel methods:
"She strives to inflict as much and as prolonged suffering as possible on her target, manifesting in the form of satanic sadism." (source: link txt)
and
"Such hatred carries within it a hint of delight in the torments of the afflicted... Here, a base method is used to achieve the goal..." (source: link txt)
Thus, it can be concluded that the urge to engage in actions that evoke disgust is generated by internal conflicts and the paradoxical nature of our deepest emotions.