People are often subject to a powerful impulse for reciprocal justice, which manifests itself in the desire to harm someone who has already inflicted harm—a kind of defensive reaction dictated by the norms of our familiar world.

Retribution and Friendship: The Dynamics of Human Response

People are often subject to a powerful impulse for reciprocal justice, which manifests itself in the desire to harm someone who has already inflicted harm—a kind of defensive reaction dictated by the norms of our familiar world.

As noted in one source, when a person is wronged, the natural urge for retribution is expressed as follows: “If someone has offended me, how should I act?

I must act justly: take revenge. I was harmed, and I must harm in return. In the eyes of this world, that’s the way it should be, and everyone does just that: you do me wrong, and I do you wrong; you give me one word, and I give you ten” (source: link txt, page: 2124). This predisposition toward mutual retributive measures often leads to a buildup of actions that harm one’s enemies, as they satisfy the need for an immediate, emotional reaction to an offense.

At the same time, actions aimed at bringing joy to friends arise from an entirely different motive—they never elicit as sharp an emotion as the sense of injustice or the pain from inflicted harm. As mentioned in another source, in the words “Did someone say something bad to you? Love him. But how is that possible? Perhaps, very possibly, if you wish... We all say that in words, yet not everyone acts accordingly” (source: link txt, page: 324), a person often declares an intention to love even his enemies, yet real behavior deviates from this ideal. It is precisely in situations of conflict that the desire to settle scores predominates over the genuine joy derived from supporting friends.

Thus, the combination of an innate drive for self-assertion and adherence to the principle of retribution for inflicted harm makes us more prone to engaging in actions that damage our enemies rather than actions that bring joy to our friends. Emotionally charged moments demand an immediate response, whereas the joy generated from friendship arises naturally without the pressure of immediate action.