Barriers to Rebuilding Marriage
Some women, having the experience of marriage behind them, refuse to return to it for several important reasons related to personal and interpersonal aspects of relationships. In particular, a significant factor is the realization that restoring lost closeness requires colossal effort and changes in the nature of both parties. For instance, as Vera’s story illustrates, restoring the marriage proved impossible because “they did not change at all—they remained as lazy and self-loving as they had always been. To restore the marriage, an enormous and arduous effort is needed (and apparently she does not want to work hard), and so they are left only to repent for the sin of divorce and continue living as they did before.” This indicates that the female experience often includes the understanding that in order to return to the previous state, one must not simply accept the past, but truly change drastically—a step many are unwilling to take.Additionally, the experience of an unsuccessful marriage is often associated with deep disappointment over the inability to achieve true mutual understanding and love. It is described that “an unwillingness to come to marital unity, the pursuit of a carefree and irresponsible life, and the inability to bear each other’s burdens” were among the reasons that led to divorce. Thus, after many years of living together, the lack of consensus intensified the feeling that attempts to restore the marriage required too great an emotional and practical effort.In this way, the female reluctance to return to marriage is often driven by both personal disappointment in the inefficacy of past relationships and an unwillingness to take on the heavy task of transforming one’s behavior and mutual dynamics. This decision is underpinned by both emotional burnout and a rational analysis of the situation, wherein changing the inner world of both partners seems practically impossible or extremely challenging.