Bridging the Emotional Gap: Resolving Mother-Daughter Conflicts
Problems in relationships with mothers can manifest through various emotional and behavioral symptoms that indicate communication breakdowns. One example is described in a case where a mother brought her daughter for a consultation regarding smoking. The girl noted that if she stopped smoking, their relationship would improve. This suggests that smoking here functions not so much as an independent problem, but as a way to attract her mother’s attention and manage the emotional distance in their relationship (source: link txt).
Moreover, problems with mothers often stem from a child not receiving the necessary support or love, leading to feelings of abandonment or isolation. These situations are further exacerbated when dominant emotions are continuously expressed in everyday interactions, and when conflict moments accumulate, creating a “cumulative effect” that negatively influences the child’s character and behavior (source: link txt).
Regarding ways to resolve these issues, psychologists recommend a constructive conflict resolution method summarized as: “Both sides win: the parent and the child.” In this approach, two skills play a key role: active listening and the use of “I-messages.” First, the parent should listen carefully to the child, clarify what the problem is, and understand what is important to the child. Then, by using “I-messages,” the parent expresses their own feelings and needs. This method helps create an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding, thereby facilitating the resolution of conflicts and the restoration of trust in the relationship (source: link txt).
Thus, to address issues in relationships with mothers, it is crucial to identify the hidden emotional needs expressed through symptomatic behaviors and to work on improving dialogue using active listening and empathetic “I-messages.” This approach allows both parties to voice their concerns, understand the core of the problem, and find a path to mutual improvement in their relationship.
Supporting citation(s):
"Mom brought her daughter to a consultation. The girl was in 8th grade. The problem was smoking. Moreover, the problem was presented by the mother. At one point, I asked the girl what would change for her if she stopped smoking. She answered that her relationship with her mother would improve. This indicated that her smoking was a symptom that regulated her relationship with her mother. At the very least, through this symptom, she was attracting her mother's attention." (source: link txt)
"Constructive conflict resolution method: 'Both sides win: the parent and the child.' I will say immediately that this method is based on two communication skills: active listening and 'I-messages.' Therefore, I strongly recommend first mastering everything we covered in previous lessons. First, make sure you are successfully listening to the child and conveying your feelings in simpler, non-conflict situations, and only then move on to more complex cases." (source: link txt)