Emotional Turmoil: The Impact of Neglect, Humiliation, Violence, and Separation

When we encounter neglect, humiliation, violence, or separation, a true storm of conflicting emotions awakens in our soul. These experiences remind us of a deep wound implanted from the very first moments of our life, when separating from our mother and home becomes a symbol of losing the foundation upon which both our physical and emotional stability depend. In that moment of breaking away from a familiar world, we feel a blend of pain and fear, for every loss strikes at our sense of security and future confidence.

Our emotional landscape rapidly begins to transform: the fear of uncertainty gives way to anxiety, and the old certainty dissolves in a whirlwind of apprehensions. It is precisely the unpredictability of our emotions that makes us feel helpless and alone when our familiar supports vanish. The inner dissonance triggered by humiliation and neglect generates a sense of guilt and shame, leading us to doubt our own worth and respect for ourselves. These feelings of pain and inner fracture can significantly affect our capacity to love and trust, sometimes creating a vicious cycle where pain becomes the norm and past violence is projected onto our future relationships.

In conclusion, every encounter with violence, loss, or humiliation leaves deep emotional marks, shattering our usual mechanisms of safety and stability. Yet it is by acknowledging these experiences that we learn to face our own fears, find new strength to restore inner balance, and eventually accept changes which, despite the pain, can lay the foundation for personal growth and development.

What emotional experiences do neglect, humiliation, violence, or separation evoke in us, and why do these notions provoke fear?

When faced with neglect, humiliation, violence, or separation, we experience a full spectrum of profound, often conflicting emotions. For example, the very word “separation” conjures a storm of emotional responses associated with loss and rupture, as it reminds us that, from the moment of birth, a person is separated from the source of life and support—the home and maternal bond. This sense of loss permeates our consciousness, triggering an internal upheaval similar to the following excerpt:
"Just the word 'separation' evokes in parents a storm of mixed feelings. Most often, 'separation' means a breakup, a loss. It is clear that this is hard, that it is linked with emotional shock and tears. Why? Let’s recall how it all began and immediately understand why. Where did a boy or girl originate? Inside the mother. For a long nine months, the baby was nourished by the mother’s body; they were inseparable. When he was born, who most often took him in her arms? The mother. As time passed, the infant grew and gradually moved away from the site of the umbilical attachment until it finally broke. I mean this psychologically, not physiologically—it happened on the day he was born into this world."
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Feelings of loss and internal rupture are often accompanied by fear because they jeopardize our sense of safety and stability. In these cases, fear primarily arises from uncertainty—the fear of losing not only the physical bond with loved ones but also the emotional support that once sustained us. It is the absence of certainty and predictability that renders such experiences especially painful:
"Fear is always the fear of that unknown which is alien to us. The more definite the possibility we anticipate, the less fear it evokes; the more fear yields to apprehension and finally diminishes to the point of freedom. Care carries within it a trace of fear, but here that fear is neutralized by everyday life, all too familiar to us. Care is fear in a state of self-dispersion. In apprehension, there is a greater element of the unknown, of uncertainty, and finally, in fear, uncertainty itself becomes a constitutive feature. The object of care is the mundane certainty in its uncertain multiplicity. The object of apprehension is a threatening, uncertain certainty."
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Furthermore, neglect and humiliation foster feelings of guilt and shame, causing a person to see themselves as unworthy, thus losing self-respect and respect for others. In situations where we are humiliated or deprived of attention, we inadvertently begin to sense our own insignificance and inadequacy, which creates an internal dissonance:
"Feelings of guilt manifest in interpersonal relationships. The circumstances that cause shame may vary considerably, but in any case, experiencing guilt is viewed as a fear of losing respect in the eyes of those before whom a person has diminished their dignity. The guilt component in the experience of shame is accompanied by a sense of one’s own unworthiness, worry, and anxiety. This component introduces an internal dissonance into a person’s moral world, a state in which the individual is unable to respect themselves or others. Shame, guilt, and embarrassment may occur in various proportions."
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Violence, in turn, leaves deep emotional scars: it not only inflicts physical pain but also traumatizes the psyche, potentially leading to a repetition of behavioral patterns where one becomes both victim and aggressor. Such experiences can later profoundly impact one’s ability to trust and love, as their recurrence in life engenders a persistent sense of anxiety and fear:
"A child cannot accept that someone dear to him has simply satisfied their own passion at his expense; paradoxically, over time, he begins to perceive the inflicted violence as an expression of love or as a just punishment for some guilt—and indeed, a guilt will be found... And then, as an adult, such a person will seek to repeat this situation, constantly becoming either a victim of violence or a perpetrator of violence, or sometimes even both simultaneously. He may simply never learn alternative ways of relating."
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Thus, the notions of neglect, humiliation, violence, and separation evoke fear in us because they are intertwined with the loss of fundamental bonds that shape our sense of security, self-worth, and confidence in the future. They touch the deepest layers of our emotional existence, eliciting pain, anxiety, a sense of hopelessness, and a loss of control over our lives. Each of these factors disrupts our usual feeling of order and stability, transforming our inner world into an arena of continual emotional clashes and uncertainty.

Supporting citation(s):
"Just the word 'separation' evokes in parents a storm of mixed feelings. Most often, 'separation' means a breakup, a loss. It is clear that this is hard, that it is linked with emotional shock and tears. Why? Let’s recall how it all began and immediately understand why. Where did a boy or girl originate? Inside the mother. For a long nine months, the baby was nourished by the mother’s body; they were inseparable. When he was born, who most often took him in her arms? The mother. As time passed, the infant grew and gradually moved away from the site of the umbilical attachment until it finally broke. I mean this psychologically, not physiologically—it happened on the day he was born into this world." (source: link )

"Fear is always the fear of that unknown which is alien to us. The more definite the possibility we anticipate, the less fear it evokes; the more fear yields to apprehension and finally diminishes to the point of freedom. Care carries within it a trace of fear, but here that fear is neutralized by everyday life, all too familiar to us. Care is fear in a state of self-dispersion. In apprehension, there is a greater element of the unknown, of uncertainty, and finally, in fear, uncertainty itself becomes a constitutive feature. The object of care is the mundane certainty in its uncertain multiplicity. The object of apprehension is a threatening, uncertain certainty." (source: link )

"Feelings of guilt manifest in interpersonal relationships. The circumstances that cause shame may vary considerably, but in any case, experiencing guilt is viewed as a fear of losing respect in the eyes of those before whom a person has diminished their dignity. The guilt component in the experience of shame is accompanied by a sense of one’s own unworthiness, worry, and anxiety. This component introduces an internal dissonance into a person’s moral world, a state in which the individual is unable to respect themselves or others. Shame, guilt, and embarrassment may occur in various proportions." (source: link )

"A child cannot accept that someone dear to him has simply satisfied their own passion at his expense; paradoxically, over time, he begins to perceive the inflicted violence as an expression of love or as a just punishment for some guilt—and indeed, a guilt will be found... And then, as an adult, such a person will seek to repeat this situation, constantly becoming either a victim of violence or a perpetrator of violence, or sometimes even both simultaneously. He may simply never learn alternative ways of relating." (source: link )