Facade of Friendship: Superficial Bonds and Hidden Ego
In the modern world, it is not uncommon to encounter people for whom friendship becomes merely a convenient accessory for maintaining a favorable image. Such individuals prefer casual and superficial relationships, where mutual favors replace deep understanding and emotional openness. In their interactions, it is not the undisclosed inner world of their companion that matters, but rather the opportunity to please one another and gain the desired advantage. Friendship turns into a set of conventions, where every smile and courtesy serves merely as a means of preserving the appearance of proper social behavior. Instead of genuine contact, relationships take the form of a game in which self-love and the pursuit of recognition within social frameworks take precedence. This approach allows them to conceal their inner instability while simultaneously creating a void devoid of true feelings and sincere emotions. The energy of real communication is lost in the pursuit of a superficially favorable image, and people risk losing their ability for authentic self-expression and inner growth.
Why do insincere people often strive to enter into friendly relationships, and what psychological role might this play?Insincere individuals often seek friendships not so much for true mutual understanding as for maintaining a comfortable external image and satisfying their selfish needs. They tend to replace a deep, genuine connection with a mere exchange of courtesies and conventions, where communication becomes a game of mutual favors without true emotional openness. In forming such relationships, the inner world of the other is less important than the opportunity to "please" one another and derive benefits from pleasant shared experiences.
As noted in one of the sources, this "friendship" is based on "external conventions, on slick and slippery 'politeness,' on empty courtesy and hidden calculation... the friendship of flattery, the friendship of vanity, the friendship of patronage, the friendship of gossip, the friendship of conformance, and the friendship of drinking companionship" (source: link txt). This indicates that insincere people use friendly ties as an instrument to bolster their own social standing, thereby avoiding genuine contact with their inner selves.
Moreover, such a strategy leads to friendship becoming a kind of façade behind which egoism hides—the desire to use others to fulfill one's own wishes (source: link txt). The psychological role of these relationships is that they provide the opportunity to maintain the illusion of "proper" social behavior without demanding genuine emotional openness or the self-analysis of true feelings. Thus, the irreconcilable difference between outward expression and inner substance becomes a way to compensate for inner instability and satisfy the need for recognition within social conventions.
Supporting citation(s):
"After all, this only means that they find joint time 'pleasant' and 'fun' or that they know how to 'please' one another... a so-called 'friendship' unfolds between people, which, in essence, is held together by external conventions, slick and slippery 'courtesy,' empty politeness, and hidden calculation..." (source: link txt)
"For such a life is the life of fallen humanity, whose fundamental trait is self-love, or egoism, placing oneself as the goal and everything and everyone else as a means. Here lies the reason why everyone seeks to impose their desires on another..." (source: link txt)