Navigating Emotional Ambivalence in Relationships

Often in relationships we encounter unexpected manifestations – when attraction toward someone is combined with repulsion, which can hide a desire to protect one’s independence or maintain control over the situation. It is important to understand that such behavior sometimes has deep roots and reflects not only a wish to assert one’s individuality but also internal doubts and fears. It may turn out that behind the guise of independence lies uncertainty about one’s own success, triggering resistance to closeness and emotional openness. If you feel attracted to a girl, it is worth seriously examining your inner experiences – perhaps it is time to recognize your true motives and decide how to move forward. Establishing communication in such cases can become an important step on the path to self-discovery and the building of healthy relationships, provided it is accompanied by genuine self-improvement. After all, only through honest confrontation with your emotions and working through your defensive mechanisms can a space for mutual understanding and harmonious relationship development be created.

If I like a girl, but I tend to push her away, should I resume communication, and what might be the cause of such behavior?

Your question touches on two important aspects: whether you should resume communication with a girl when you feel attraction, and what internal reasons might lead you to push a close person away despite that attraction.

Some thoughts in the cited material may help you view the situation from a different angle. For example, one source notes that such behavior can occur as a way to assert one’s independence and affirm the right to make decisions on one’s own – even if it manifests as repelling. The text states:
"The point of such behavior for a child is to defend the right to decide his own matters, and in general, to show that he is a person." (source: 288_1436.txt)

Although this discussion addresses a child’s behavior, if this idea is transferred to an adult, it can be assumed that your tendency to push away may be accompanied by a subconscious desire to preserve your individuality and maintain control over the situation, especially when emotional closeness is required.

Another fragment touches upon the influence of low self-esteem and inner insecurity, which may lead a person to "lose faith in his own success." It states:
"the reason is the loss of faith in one's own success. It may happen that a child experiences hardship in a particular area of life... He comes to the conclusion: 'There is no point in trying, nothing will work out anyway.' This happens inside, and his external behavior shows: 'I don't care', 'Even if it goes badly', 'I will be bad!'" (source: 595_2971.txt)

Again, although the quote is provided in the context of a child's behavior, similar internal experiences may occur in adults when fear of failure or a sense of insecurity leads to defensive, self-sabotaging behavior.

Based on these reflections, one can assume that if you like a girl, your tendency to push her away may be linked to internal conflicts, where the desire to maintain independence or fear of emotional vulnerability acts as a defense mechanism. The answer to whether you should resume communication depends on further investigation of these internal states. If you truly value the relationship, it might be worthwhile to try restoring contact, while also striving to understand and address the reasons behind your behavior – for honesty with yourself can be a step toward establishing healthier mutual understanding.

The approach to resuming communication might involve cautiously and gradually re-establishing contact, allowing you not only to get to know each other better but also to explore your inner self, thus avoiding the repetition of self-destructive patterns.