Navigating Inner Conflict in Love

In the realm of relationships, one often experiences an inner conflict when an excessively powerful, almost obsessive passion awakens a feeling of repulsion. This is less about judging the person and more a reflection of our reaction to the overwhelming drive we observe both within ourselves and in others. We frequently experience dissonance—simultaneously condemning both the passion and ourselves when faced with such a manifestation of love. It is important to realize that genuine rejection should be targeted only at the intensity of the feelings, not at the person who is trying to love. If you feel that emotional overload is stifling your individuality and freedom, it is worth carefully analyzing the role that love plays in this dynamic. Perhaps it is useful to rethink how to redistribute your emotions: instead of condemning your loved one, allow yourself to express compassion and understand the depth of their feelings. This approach helps to preserve inner harmony, remain true to yourself, and learn to accept passion as an integral but not dominating part of relationships. True understanding comes when we are able to distinguish between passion and personality while maintaining respect for both ourselves and others.

What should you do if you feel repulsion towards someone who loves you?
Based on the thoughts discussed, it is important to understand that the repulsion you feel may not be directed at the person themselves, but at that overwhelming, almost intrusive force of passion driving them. As noted in one of the statements, when you observe in another person the same passion that exists in you, repulsion arises not only towards the passion, but also towards yourself and towards that person. However, the author then offers an answer that goes: “Answer. It’s terrible—‘both towards yourself and towards this person…’ I think that the repulsion should be only directed at passion. Perhaps also towards yourself—repulsion or regret—but towards your neighbor, there should be solely compassion. If you believe that passion acts more strongly in your neighbor than in you, then your reaction is already one of condemnation” (source: link , page: 3875).

This suggests that if the feeling of repulsion emerges precisely because love turns into an excessive, overwhelming manifestation of passion, you should try to separate these emotions from the person themselves. In other words, instead of condemning or pushing away someone who is trying to love, rethink how that love is manifested and what internal reactions it triggers in you.

Therefore, if you feel repulsion towards someone who loves you, try to assess:
– Is this not an emotional reaction to an excessive, oppressive passion that makes you feel a loss of your own freedom or individuality?
– Is it possible to redistribute your feelings so that the repulsion is directed not at the person, but at that aspect of passion which causes discomfort?

With such an approach, instead of rejecting your beloved, you can find the strength within yourself to show compassion and understanding towards their feelings, while also rethinking how to remain true to yourself and maintain your inner harmony.

Supporting citation(s):
“When you see in another person the same passion that is in you, only much stronger, then repulsion arises towards the passion, towards yourself, and towards that person. Is that good?... Answer: It’s terrible—‘both towards yourself and towards that person…’ I think that the repulsion should be only towards passion. Perhaps also towards yourself—repulsion or regret—but towards your neighbor there should be only compassion. If you believe that the passion in your neighbor acts more strongly than in you, then it is already condemnation from your side.” (source: link , page: 3875)