Cultivating True Kindness: The Roles of Inner Work, Upbringing, and Social Support

In a world where external circumstances are often seen as decisive, true kindness is manifested through the diligent, conscious development of personal qualities. At the heart of this process lies inner work: a continuous pursuit of self-improvement and the training of one’s spirit that allows us to gradually progress from a state of primal instincts to genuinely human nobility. It is precisely through the gradual formation of our inner world that we acquire the capacity for generosity and compassion.

Alongside personal efforts, education and the support of one’s environment play a significant role. Family values and social norms set forth a clear directive that emphasizes honesty, goodness, and mutual respect. From an early age, we are taught that being a good person means developing the best qualities within ourselves, which not only foster personal growth but also help in forming meaningful connections with others. Group cohesion, a sense of belonging, and support in difficult times reinforce the aspiration toward nobility, making each of us feel like a valued member of society.

It is also important that life circumstances often merely highlight the character traits that have already been formed. The challenges we face help us better understand our inner reserves and our true essence. Our innate sense of compassion and desire to help others become the support on which we can rely in any situation. Ultimately, it is through the harmonious combination of inner work, upbringing, and support from those around us that an individual acquires the ability for true, unchanging kindness—a guiding star on the journey of life.

What factors contribute to the formation of the kindness of the soul and how do life circumstances affect it?

The development of a kind soul occurs under the influence of several interrelated factors, among which personal upbringing, inner self-affirmation, and the social environment play significant roles, while life circumstances merely reveal qualities that are already in place rather than creating them from scratch.

First of all, an important element is personal work on oneself. As noted in one source, "And of course, it starts small; you have to gradually condition, train, and exercise your soul. Then, gradually, we will move from little to greater things, and slowly we will become humans out of animals, and then from humans we will become angels. The kind of angels that all the saints who lived before us were, and some even live among us today, though now they are very few, for we are sinful people" (source: link ). This emphasizes that the consistent, step-by-step diligent development of one’s inner essence helps a person acquire high spiritual qualities.

Secondly, upbringing and the surrounding environment have a tremendous impact. Parental attitudes and social norms, which stress being a "good person," lay the foundation for further developing kindness. It is expressed as follows: "Their influence, and not something else, determines the success of visible upbringing. Mothers most often say about their child: 'If only he were a good person, I wouldn't need anything else.' Precisely in this order of words— 'a good person.' Sometimes this minimal program is elaborated with: 'If only he were kind! If only he were honest!' 'A good person' with an emphasis on 'person' means kind and honest" (source: link ). Upbringing that values kindness and honesty forms an inner disposition capable of influencing future behavior.

Moreover, a person possesses an innate sense of compassion that contributes to their moral growth. As noted in another source: "People are attracted to goodness. They have an innate sense of compassion for others and for living beings in general. From this sense of compassion arises the desire to help, to protect, to save. A person experiences moral satisfaction when doing something good for others, when loving, forgiving, sacrificing oneself, when fulfilling one's duty as a member of the family and society. By doing good, a person develops positive spiritual qualities: reason, willpower, steadfastness, courage, patience—in short, they become ennobled spiritually" (source: link ). This indicates that the innate need to help and support others contributes to the development of a kind soul.

Finally, life circumstances, which are often regarded as decisive, in reality only reveal the personality that has already formed. One source gives the example: "For example, people often say: 'I wholeheartedly strive for something different, but life circumstances have made me this way.' No, life circumstances have only revealed what you already are" (source: link ). This suggests that external conditions may amplify or diminish expressions of kindness, yet they are not the direct source of its emergence.

It is also important not to overlook the social aspect of developing kindness. A sense of belonging to a group and support within a community play a significant role. For instance, it is noted that "The reason why the little boy in the judge’s story beat up a stranger was not only because he did not know kindness. For him, the whole world is divided into 'our own' and 'others,' he cannot live without the support of his own, he is insufficiently developed for this, and he is willing to go to any lengths—even murder—just to be considered one of his own, to satisfy his wild, unrefined need for security" (source: link ). This underscores that the creation of meaningful relationships and the feeling of support can nurture the qualities that lead to true kindness of the soul.

Thus, the formation of a kind soul is the result of the complex interplay between inner work on oneself, upbringing, the development of innate compassion, and one’s social environment, while life circumstances merely reflect the personality traits that have already been established.

Supporting citation(s):
"And of course, it starts small; you have to gradually condition, train, and exercise your soul. Then, gradually, we will move from little to greater things, and slowly we will become humans out of animals, and then from humans we will become angels. The kind of angels that all the saints who lived before us were, and some even live among us today, though now they are very few, for we are sinful people." (source: link )

"Their influence, and not something else, determines the success of visible upbringing. Mothers most often say about their child: 'If only he were a good person, I wouldn't need anything else.' Precisely in this order of words— 'a good person.' Sometimes this minimal program is elaborated with: 'If only he were kind! If only he were honest!' 'A good person' with an emphasis on 'person' means kind and honest." (source: link )

"People are attracted to goodness. They have an innate sense of compassion for others and for living beings in general. From this sense of compassion arises the desire to help, to protect, to save. A person experiences moral satisfaction when doing something good for others, when loving, forgiving, sacrificing oneself, when fulfilling one's duty as a member of the family and society. By doing good, a person develops positive spiritual qualities: reason, willpower, steadfastness, courage, patience—in short, they become ennobled spiritually." (source: link )

"For example, people often say: 'I wholeheartedly strive for something different, but life circumstances have made me this way.' No, life circumstances have only revealed what you already are." (source: link )

"The reason why the little boy in the judge’s story beat up a stranger was not only because he did not know kindness. For him, the whole world is divided into 'our own' and 'others,' he cannot live without the support of his own, he is insufficiently developed for this, and he is willing to go to any lengths—even murder—just to be considered one of his own, to satisfy his wild, unrefined need for security." (source: link )