Navigating the Web of Barriers

Every complex bond is shrouded in invisible nets—a mix of internal beliefs and external pressures that create a vicious circle and hinder taking a step toward change. Often, internal self-esteem plays a decisive role: by failing to see our own shortcomings, we tend to project guilt onto our partner and justify our actions with established notions of love. The fear of losing the illusion of control frequently replaces the search for genuine feelings, so that instead of true intimacy, we cling to any surrogate of salvation. Alongside this, external barriers—family expectations, social stereotypes, and past traumas—continue to push us into a comfort zone, even if that zone turns into a trap. Family dynamics, norms of upbringing, and the pressure from one's surroundings can only worsen the situation, forcing a person to fight not only for their freedom but also against outdated scenarios that seem inevitable. The problem can only be addressed by realizing the interconnection between these internal and external mechanisms: openness to change and self-improvement become the first steps toward freeing oneself from the restrictive confines that hinder genuine love and personal growth.

What internal and external obstacles can keep a person from leaving a difficult relationship?

In challenging relationships, one may remain due to a combination of internal and external obstacles, each forming a closed circle that prevents a decisive move toward change.

Regarding internal obstacles, many people tend not to notice their own shortcomings, shifting blame onto the "Other" and justifying their behavior with ingrained beliefs. For example, one source describes:
"However, usually we do not see any faults in ourselves. Love only betrays by the Other. Regarding what he has brought, he took more. I start to measure, to count. And my thoughts always justify me. Consequently, I feel entitled to resist, complain about fate, to become aggressive, to exchange my devoted tenderness for demands. And if the Other starts to resist with his own measurements and calculations, then the rupture will become uncontrollable and fierce. Moreover, the struggle is not for mundane gains, but for life—all or nothing."
(source: link )

Such a stance makes it difficult to assess the situation objectively and prevents one from realizing that one’s own actions may be the cause of the crisis. Furthermore, internal conflict can arise from a disbelief in the possibility of genuine, free love:
"The fact is that love cannot impose chains on a person; it necessarily presupposes freedom, because freedom and love are two kindred sisters. And where there is slavery, coercion, there is no love."
(source: link )

Another facet of internal obstacles is the inability to break out of an egocentric cycle of one’s own expectations and illusions, where the search for true love is replaced by an excuse for fictitious attachments, which also prevents leaving relationships that already cause pain. This state is depicted in the following excerpt:
"In striving to break out of one’s isolation and narrow circle of self-love, a person craves love, yet the difficulties of achieving genuine personal love lead to its replacement with a surrogate—love for kittens, for dogs. Sometimes, love for a person is replaced by love for humanity."
(source: link )

In addition to internal barriers, external obstacles play a significant role. These are influenced by pressure from family, society, and even past traumas related to upbringing and relationships. For instance, a person accustomed to a particular kind of attention within the family might face a rupture in their familiar lifestyle when the outside world proves too alien and fails to meet their expectations:
"When such a person ventures into the world, he does not find the attention he was accustomed to in the family. And then he begins to rebel against the different ways in which he is treated. Can a person be 'overfed' with love? Or, in other words, spoiled? Very often we encounter people who cannot be said to have not been loved, yet the love was so excessive that they end up traumatized."
(source: link )

External factors may also include imposed social beliefs that complicate changing the situation. This involves both family pressure and the influence of cultural stereotypes, where even close relatives become sources of additional strain. An example is a situation where the family or parents, with their harsh manner of communication and upbringing, reinforce a negative scenario:
"A wife, foreseeing complete loneliness (with children grown up and soon to leave home), becomes submissive, just as he once was, but also with a heavy heart and gritted teeth. And the husband begins to behave authoritatively, reminding her of her own management methods and applying the same levers of coercion."
(source: link )

External barriers can also develop from experiences of social isolation and the pressure of an aggressive environment, which exacerbates the trauma of a breakup and fear of change.

Thus, leaving a difficult relationship is complicated not only by internal psychological mechanisms, such as the unwillingness to admit one’s mistakes and the desire to maintain the illusion of control, but also by external circumstances—the pressures from family, society, and the consequences of past experiences. Each category of obstacles reinforces the other, creating a complex system from which it is extremely difficult to escape.

Supporting citation(s):
"However, usually we do not see any faults in ourselves. Love only betrays by the Other. Regarding what he has brought, he took more. I start to measure, to count. And my thoughts always justify me. Consequently, I feel entitled to resist, complain about fate, to become aggressive, to exchange my devoted tenderness for demands. And if the Other starts to resist with his own measurements and calculations, then the rupture will become uncontrollable and fierce. Moreover, the struggle is not for mundane gains, but for life—all or nothing." (source: link )

"The fact is that love cannot impose chains on a person; it necessarily presupposes freedom, because freedom and love are two kindred sisters. And where there is slavery, coercion, there is no love." (source: link )

"In striving to break out of one’s isolation and narrow circle of self-love, a person craves love, yet the difficulties of achieving genuine personal love lead to its replacement with a surrogate—love for kittens, for dogs. Sometimes, love for a person is replaced by love for humanity." (source: link )

"When such a person ventures into the world, he does not find the attention he was accustomed to in the family. And then he begins to rebel against the different ways in which he is treated. Can a person be 'overfed' with love? Or, in other words, spoiled? Very often we encounter people who cannot be said to have not been loved, yet the love was so excessive that they end up traumatized." (source: link )

"A wife, foreseeing complete loneliness (with children grown up and soon to leave home), becomes submissive, just as he once was, but also with a heavy heart and gritted teeth. And the husband begins to behave authoritatively, reminding her of her own management methods and applying the same levers of coercion." (source: link )