Empathy in Conflict: Embracing Self-Reflection and Forgiveness

In today's world, where emotions sometimes overpower rational thinking, the ability to analyze one’s own feelings and perspectives on conflict is the key to truly understanding what is happening. Begin with honest self-analysis: acknowledge the possibility of your own error and try to view the situation through another person’s eyes. Often, hurt feelings arise not from malice but as a reaction to misunderstanding, a lack of tact, or inner issues the other person may be suffering from. By freeing ourselves from excessive emotional weight, we open up the possibility to see the hidden messages in our conversation partner’s words, messages that may prove essential for our personal growth. Realizing that everyone has their own viewpoint and reasons for their actions helps us not only soften negative emotions but also discover constructive ways to resolve conflicts. An approach based on accepting one’s share of responsibility and examining the situation objectively can transform a painful experience into a source of valuable lessons. This process fosters forgiveness and creates a space for dialogue in which compromise takes on a new, more mature form based on mutual respect and understanding.

How can one understand the reasons behind hurt feelings and attempt to comprehend the behavior of the one who causes pain in conflict situations?

To understand the reasons behind hurt feelings and attempt to comprehend the behavior of the offender, it is necessary to conduct an objective self-analysis by evaluating your role in the conflict and by trying to view the situation through someone else's eyes. It is important to accept that hurt feelings often do not emerge as a calculated act, but rather as a consequence of misunderstanding, pride, and even a lack of self-awareness on both sides. For example, one author notes:

"When we are in a state of hurt, we see only our own position and not very objectively. That is, it seems to us that someone has hurt, insulted, or humiliated us, and we often perceive all of this as a personal offense. In reality, in most cases, hurt feelings are not inflicted deliberately. The person, as they say, was unaware of what they were doing. Having hurt us, they did so either unintentionally or due to a lack of upbringing and tact. Surely, they had their own standpoint, a justification for their actions." (source: link )

This quote emphasizes that we should first try to consider the situation from the offender’s perspective and allow for the possibility that their actions are driven by their worldview, upbringing, or even internal struggles.

Furthermore, the author continues by sharing personal experience, noting that abandoning excessive emotionality allowed him to see the useful and necessary elements in his opponent’s words:

"Surely, they had their own standpoint, a justification for their actions. And in order to overcome hurt feelings and forgive others, we need not to blame them but rather to excuse them. Incidentally, I have often experienced that when, after being hurt by a sharp remark or criticism directed at me, I managed to overcome the pain and made an effort to understand my opponent’s words—detaching myself from hurt and vanity—I was convinced that they contained a great deal of necessary and useful insight for me." (source: link )

This quote makes it clear that to understand another person’s behavior it is important to step back from an overly emotional reaction and try to evaluate their position objectively. Such an approach not only helps in uncovering the causes of conflict but also promotes forgiveness and the discovery of compromise solutions.

Thus, to understand the causes of hurt feelings and better comprehend the offender in a conflict situation, it is advisable to:
1. Conduct self-analysis and acknowledge your potential role in the conflict.
2. Try to view the situation from the offender’s perspective, accepting their subjective perception and potential communication shortcomings.
3. Refrain from premature judgment, instead analyzing the criticism for any valuable insights it may contain.

These steps will help reduce negative emotions and lead to a more constructive resolution of conflicts.

Supporting citation(s):
"Когда мы находимся в состоянии обиды, мы видим только нашу позицию и то не очень объективно. То есть нам кажется, что кто-то нас обидел, оскорбил, унизил и часто воспринимаем всё это как личное оскорбление. На самом деле, в большинстве случаев обида наносится не специально. Человек, как говорится, не ведал, что творил. Обидев нас, сделал это либо невольно, либо по недостатку воспитания и такта. У него, наверняка, была своя позиция, оправдание своим поступкам." (source: link )

"У него, наверняка, была своя позиция, оправдание своим поступкам. И чтобы преодолеть обиду и простить ближнего, нам нужно не обвинять его, а наоборот оправдать. Кстати, не раз испытывал на себе, что когда, обидевшись на какое-то колкое замечание или критику в свой адрес, я потом справлялся с обидой и старался вникнуть в слова своего оппонента, отрешившись от обиды и самолюбия, то убеждался, что в них есть очень много нужного и полезного для меня." (source: link )